Vacation in Sweden, feet back on the ground. Soo needed, so great. Beijing makes me loose it. I need to do some kind of action both to get over The Impressive one and to prevent become mental in Beijing. I sign up for a couple of dating sites and after a few hours of browsing I realize most of the 25 000 people signed up share the same thoughts ‘this is not for me, I’ll never find anyone here / what am I doing here’. And yet in Sweden it’s one of the most common ways of meeting a loved one. I chat with one of my oldest, closest, dearest friend who knows me by heart and she wishes me good luck with a very doubtful voice. As if love is exclusively for the one living an ordinary, predictable life. As if you don’t dream of 2,1 child in suburbia / cute country house / like watching TV / grocery shopping – love will never involve you = I am doomed to eternal solitude and loneliness.
The taxi picks me up at 05.00 in the morning, same hour as the taxi dropped me off after the big Saturday out last WE. And by definition we know that there is something wrong with that hour of the day if you do anything except just sleeping in your bed. My hairdresser is on vacation (Swedish vacation lasts forever, min 4 weeks) and I look like a mad mix between a crazy professor and Jackson five. Too tired to solve the problem so I find the blond wig in my wardrobe and put it on. I had it on the job interview so it might work. At the train station I get reminded of how Blonds have more fun. A dude is actually whistling after me when I walk down the platform. 05.10 in the morning… Stay calm it’s just a wig. I don’t even like the attention. It’s just surface and fake. I think of the Impressive and Mr Awesome, they are never fake. None of them. I get on the train and look for the silence carriage. I consider laws and regulations most as recommendations and some make more sense than others. Silence carriage makes sense. Here you can sit and let your thought spin without disturbance.
So I’m on my way to the first day of the new work. If I turn now I’ll never know if I can get off the ground.
Game plan; get my company off the ground. I need to do that so I can continue with the creative work I have to do. The worlds needs soulful spaces, environments touching your heart and bring magic into your daily functions. To get the company up and running I need a bag of money. Not much, just enough to get started. Apparently I will go to Beijing for that. I found a company which wants me to work as a senior architect managing a team of 25 Chinese architects to perform too many projects in a too short period. Very interesting challenge. Very. Chinese rule of working; is this humanly possible to perform? No. Okay then I want it done yesterday! But I’ll try it out. An adventure. And I can’t see any better options at the moment and it’s time to get started. I always have to set up goals to manage an assignment. Goal; not to get fired before I reached the amount of money I calculate I need (which probably will take me about 10 month), succeed in given task (good as ego boost/will look good in my CV), not shoot the head of more than max four co-workers/managers during the period, and of course bring home the cash I need.
As the Impressive is nuclear power for my mind the Awesome makes magic to my body, taking me to nirvana over and over and over and over until dawn. When he leaves he kisses me on mouth and I’m left with the feeling that every fibre every cell in my body is completely satisfied and in perfect harmony. Perfect. Harmony. I fall asleep while the sun rises up the sky outside my window and I wish everyone should feel this at least once in their lifetime. I’d like to pass this experience, this feeling, this magic on to every person in the whole world. It feels like building my life according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs only using the very most fantastic elements for every step.
Sunny Sunday on the balcony, such perfect day for grooming. Every little hair shall carefully be picked with the tweezers. The debated armpits (wtf! there was a huge discussion regarding armpits and female hair a while ago in the daily news. Woman has the ‘right’ to keep it vs it’s disgusting so remove it…. Seriously! As previously already reflected on, most of the time the Swedish daily news can only be used to capture what’s in the head of Swedish standard population), hair on legs and arms never came back after chemotherapy (sometimes it just get better – according to me since I prefer not to have body-hair), the stubborn hair on my big toe and of course my funny. It is so wonderful with all the details polished! Soft and polished, soft and polished. I take all the curls fallen down on a towel with me to the balcony and let them flip down on the balcony below. I sit down on my balcony and eat my hot cheese cake cold, directly out of the package, turning my face towards the sun and let no clouds come in between.
Friday was a public holiday in Sweden so yesterday was Sunday but Saturday and I was chillin out on my balcony and devoted myself to psychoanalytic conversation with good friend L. I opened up the double doors and let my under body rest outside and my upper body in my living room. I.e. sun-bathing my ass. L: we are living example for ‘so disturbed mind but so aware and world’s best anyway’. Me: you don’t have to be stupid in head just because you r fucked up in head. L: true story bro! Me: I told Friend I resigned from the office position and Friend burst out ‘Lisa you are so impulsive!!’. It was time to tell Friend the true; No I am smart as fuck and a quick thinker and therefore able to make quick decisions. L: touché! After four hours on the balcony my BMW M10 engine was fully re-powered and ready to go again.
My latest apt here in Sweden is located in a really dodgy area, I crossed the border of what considered as decent and preferable. Standard conversation when meeting new people; Hi I’m Lisa, I’m an architect, living in Dodgy Hood. Then follows the part where I feel I have to justify the reasons for living here; I live in Dodgy Hood since I found an apt with the most stunning day light and because I sincerely like it there. I am aware of the facts, figures and opinions of drugs, unemployment, white trash, immigrants etc. But still – there’s a life going on here. We have more van’s and crap cars than Volvo’s and Ferrari’s parked on the streets. It’s the woman in the opposite house standing in her morning robe on the hallway balcony smoking a cigarette every second hour of the day. It’s the young mom always sitting outside the door playing with her cell phone while the little boy toddling around in his imaginary world. There is always Pablo fixing his car while his kids are playing with the go cart on the side street. The kids are always laughing. Pablo’s wife hanging out from one of the balconies checking on the kids or yelling dinner is ready. We have the teenager boys on the 3trd floor with the bike in the living room always playing music loud. And the young girls on the 2nd floor always giggling. It smells of all kind of spices, gasoline (go cart I think), cigarettes, weed and someone having a bbq on the children’s playground on a Thursday lunch. There is always something ongoing. Hang on a minute, now the teenager boys from the 3rd floor are in the apt on the 2nd floor with the girls. You can see life. I like it here because it’s lively and unpredictable. It’s not at all dressed up; no fancy fashion, no renovated flats, no fancy cars, not even decent sometimes but it’s genuine. There is not a beautiful façade life, but it’s very honest and that’s creates beautiful here . Sound of the day; Passenger/All the little Lights.
How to find your passion? Passions are those ideas that don’t leave you alone. They are the hopes, dreams and possibilities that consume your thoughts. Follow those passions despite skeptics and naysayers who don’t have the courage to follow their dreams’ (Steve Jobs). This weekend I helped friends with decorations for a b-day bash; four hours of silk-paper folding, metal wire and a pair of scissors and you got 50 pompoms to play with.
I’m about to catch the last bus home and walking briskly towards the bus stop. I can hear the bus behind me and I start to run but realize I’ll most likely miss it. The bus passes me, I’ll soo not make it! Fudge! Then I see that the bus-driver stops the bus and wait for me. A real super hero! A simple action but very beautiful.
5 hours train ride up north in Sweden into the country, visiting one of my best friends who I known since child hood. She is one of the rare kinds that know more about me than I know myself – and still loves me. This idyllic environment affects me from high on stress to harmonic mood in no time. The constantly roaring engine inside my body turns quiet and my mind becomes calm. After four days here it feels like I have rebooted the whole system. Summer time and living is easy. The most famous Swedish summer hymns no 199; How Great Thou Art.